An empty bed

First of all, I am so sorry I have not updated my blog recently....we have been a little busy...with moving across country and all.  Our move here to Nevada was really great!  But it was very hard to leave our good friends in Maryland.  God led us to some amazing friends there, and in LA, MS, FL and so many other places!  It is so hard to leave all of our friends.

We took our time getting here and did lots of sight seeing and playing!  Once my camera is charged up I'll upload some great pictures from our "family adventure" and share some really great memories.

But today I need to write about my saddened heart.... I miss my baby! I'm tried of waiting!!
                                                             This is so very hard!! 
Last week I was so much more positive... sorry.
As we were unpacking here, we were finally able to make "Ellie spaces" in our new home.  In Maryland, we knew she wasn't coming home to that house.  So we kept her things packed away in bins and boxes.  As I got things for her, they just went tucked away in a box.  But here, I was so very eager to put up her bed, hang her clothes in the closet, set up HER toys.  It has really been fun getting things "ready for her".  And truly, I'm not anywhere close to being done.  BUT...now my heart is sad...looking at her empty bed!  With this house, I can "see" her here.  I can imagine her playing with her brothers and sisters, eating with us at our table, and sleeping sweetly in her bed.  I can imagine it so deeply, that it hurts to wait any longer!!!

I want to touch her, to hold her, to smell her hair, to hear her giggle, to hear her voice, to look into her beautiful brown eyes, to watch her breathing peacefully as she sleeps, to feel her heartbeat next to mine as she lays on my chest.... it's so hard waiting!!  As I'm writing this tears are rolling down my face.  We are so blessed, and I am so very happy with our amazing life....but one very special person is missing!  And we are not much closer yet...we are still waiting for our LOA (the next step from Ch*na)...we are on day 70!  Plus we are still waiting for our NV homestudy to be completed.  We even had to get fingerprinted...again (third set with this adoption)!

     Please pray that our new homestudy will be completed and reviewed soon, our fingerprints will come back THIS week, and our LOA comes soon!  I would LOVE to have our sweet girl in our arms by September.

Okay, okay enough with the pity party.... please let me share our most recent pictures of our sweet Ellie.

Happy girl!

We may have to invest in a ball pit...this is our second picture of her in it, and she seems to enjoy it!

If you look closely she is holding the photo album we sent... so happy to  see all five of my babies together....well sort of

 Thanks for reading my vent.... next time, I promise....happy posting!!

I'm praying with Phil 4:6-7
"Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayer ask God for what you need, always asking Him with a thankful heart.  And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus."

I need God's peace tonight.... knowing my girl is in His hands today and always,and will be in ours soon!

Sing songs of praise

"Give thanks to the Lord, invoke His name; make know among the nations His deeds.  Sing to Him, sing His praise, proclaim all His wondrous deeds. "              1 Chronicles 16: 8-9

There are so many blessings that have happened in our family since my last post that I want to share with you.  Just as David instructed his friends to praise the Lord...I want to praise Him, give Him the glory for HIS wondrous deeds in our lives!

First of all please allow me to brag on my amazing husband....

   Steven has spent the last year in a very hard and rigorous school program.  He has completed his first year of CRNA (certified nurse anesthesist) school.  And  yesterday he took his final exam, and passed!!!!! Even though, he still has another year and half of clinicals, a bit more tests, and then his boards to pass to reach his ultimate goal of becoming a CRNA.  He still accomplished a HUGE task by successfully completing this first "phase" of his school.

Great job, my love.....and praises to our Lord for "being his strength and his shield" (Psalm 28:7)

Silpada Designs

As you may know the months of April and March I have been busy with fundraising for our adoption of our baby girl.  We had so much fun with all of these great fundraisers!  And let me tell you...we have some amazing friends!!   We had our painting party fundraiser at Artventure Us! (Thanks to Michele and Steve). http://artventureus.com/
Then we had a Silpada Jewlery party... many thanks to Renee Harshey!!!! http://mysilpada.com/sites/renee.harshey
Finally last weekend we had one amazing garage sale!  First of all thank you to Neelsville Presbytrain Church in Germantown http://www.neelsville.org/  for allowing us to hold our sale there and for your very warm welcome to our family!!! There are sooooo many people to thank for donations of items ....it really overwhelmed me with the amount we received!!

  For those that helped us set up, sell, and clean up...we give a HUGE thank you to
          Andy Nagel (and his boys), Nina Clark (and Elizabeth), Eunice Rock (and Alan Jr),
          Lisa and Brian Wienhoff (and Audrey), and my amazing kids, Clare and Jon!! And for Kelly Saedd for keeping Anna and Thomas for me.
**Notice the amount of children that were at our garage sale... they were so well behaved and a great, BIG help!

I was very worried the day before our big sale....
        We had LOTS of donations, which is wonderful! But made me very nervous about how to transport it from our house to the church. On top of everything my poor hubby was going to have to spend the day studying, preparing for finals.
        Clare became very sick two days before the garage sale.  In fact she had to stay home from school on Friday.  By the evening she couldn't even get off the couch!  Then to add to my worries.... Jon broke out in the WORST case of hives he has every had!!  Yikes!  TWO sick kids, both of who I was planning on bringing with me to the sale since Steven had to study.
         Then to top it all off, the weather predication was.....RAIN!  Ugh!!!!!!!!

                                     

Saturday morning came around...very early...and to the praises of God....both of the children woke up feeling great!  Steve and his friend, Brian helped transport all of our donations to the church (all 4 van/truck loads).
The weather was gorgeous the entire day!  My amazing friends came out to help!  And we sold almost everything!  WOW!!  That evening I sat down, prayed, and rested in sheer amazement of God's goodness.

Want to hear something else amazing......  I just calculated all of our donations we received so far including the money we made with the fundraisers, and all of the very generous cash donations from our friends and family--
the total was $1901  Wow!  The BEST part....
    Since we are moving to Nevada we have to update our homestudy.  I wanted to get started on the update  as soon as we get there in a couple of weeks. I have recently sent the homestudy agency in Nevada all of our completed paperwork and our check for $1900!!!!!!!!!!!   Praise God! Please tell me again....why do I worry?

As I have done for you, you should also do

Last night was Holy Thursday.  The day we remember Jesus' last supper with His apostles.  Before He shared this meal with His friends, He got down on His knees and washed their feet.  The Master washed His servants' feet.  This time in our Church, the celebration of Holy week, has always been important to me.   Our lives were changed forever because of our beautiful Savior, and what He did during this time in history.
     
Usually during Holy Thursday Mass twelve people from the congregation are chosen to represent the twelve apostles.  Then the priest gets down on his knees and washes everyone's feet.  Well the church we have attended here is St. Rose of Lima.  They have an amazing tradition.  Instead of just the twelve "chosen" people having their feet washed...everyone in the church gets their feet washed, and everyone washes someone else's feet!  Each member of the church gets to serve and be served!  What an amazing moment to experience... elder members where on their knees washing teenager's feet, husbands were having their feet washed by their wives, different ages, different races were all washing each other's feet.  Strangers were humbling themselves before each other to "do as Jesus has done".  It was so moving to watch, but I wasn't prepared for what I was about to experience.

     To take a step back.... it was a rough day all day yesterday.  I woke up sad, and missing Ellie so much.  The kids were all very tired and cranky.  It was the 7th day in their Spring break, and they were at each other all day!  It was one of those days...you know, the kind that they spend most of their day fighting and being corrected.  And I was tired....tired of correcting, tired of waiting for Ellie, tired of doing everything by myself (while Steve is busy with school), tired of missing my family, tired of the stress of our upcoming move, tired of cooking, of cleaning, of packing, of filling out MORE paperwork for our homestudy update...I was tired of serving!!!  I think I even prayed --- "Lord,  I'm tired.... I need YOU to take care of me, because I cannot do it today!!!"

      Now....let's go back to last night.......the children were so very excited about taking off their shoes in church!  The five of us got into line to go to the alter, and I watched the beauty of the service unfold around me.  The love I witnessed from all those there was breathtaking.  People washed each other's feet with so much love...then most of them embraced........amazing!!  It was our turn.  And of course all four children did not want to go by themselves...so all FIVE of us went to the alter together, each of us trying not to trip on the other.  There was a sweet young lady waiting with a pitcher of warm water and a smile on her face.  Thomas plopped himself right down on the steps and stuck his rather dirty foot (sorry!) out straight at her!  He giggled the entire time his foot was washed by our fellow parishener.  After she dried his foot, he got right up and grabbed the pitcher, eager for his turn.  He pointed at Clare.  So she sat down and very timidly, but with a smile on her face offered her foot.  It was so sweet to watch Thomas wash his big sister's foot.  Then Clare was up for her turn to wash.  She said she wanted to wash Anna's feet, but Jon was already in place.  She quickly got over her frustration, and washed her brother's feet.  This same brother who annoys her, calls her names, and who she fought with ALL day long!  It moved me to tears to watch my children serve each other.  Then Jon walked to the other side of the bowl and picked up the pitcher with his adorable smile.  He very gently washed Anna's feet. It was so very sweet. Now, before we were in line, Anna had already asked if she could wash my feet, and then of course that turned into an argument with Jon.  They both wanted to wash my feet.  When it was my turn, I sat down on the alter steps.  I looked up to see all four of my beautiful children, with pitchers and towels in hand, eager to wash my feet, eager to serve me, eager to do what Jesus had instructed them to do... I was humbled. God answered my prayer that I prayed earlier in the day, the prayer I had spoken out of complete exhaustion...and He gave us this moment together.  I felt my Jesus' love for me at this very moment, through the love of my children!  I complained and whined all day about serving these four beautiful gifts....and here they are serving me with so much love and joy.... I hope I will never forget that moment!  I prayed the rest of the Mass that God would change my heart even more...give me a servant's heart...teach me to follow Jesus' example, and do as He has taught us.  John 13:15

Ch*na feels so far away

There are days when I miss my girl so very much. Days when I think about her all of the time.  She is always in my heart, but there are moments when I feel the desperation of the distance I am from her.  Not only the geographical distance, but the distance from the date we will be together.  She IS my child.  I feel this so deeply in my heart.  Yet she is on the opposite side of the world from me.  It is hard to explain this love.  And there is really no reason, except to say that my love from her was placed there by our Lord.  Just as my other children were placed so perfectly in my womb, she was placed so perfectly in my soul.   I know she is in a wonderful place at New Hope.  I know there are people God has placed in her little life that is surrounding her at this very moment with love.  But I want to be that person right now!  I want to hold her, comfort her, rock her...I want to be with her.

We still have a bit of a wait ahead of us.  We are only on day 15 of our LOA wait.  The LOA is the next step in our adoption process. This wait can be anywhere from 50-to over 100+ days!!  But what I am really worried about is our move.  We will have to update our homestudy once we are in Nevada.  This can put us back by weeks or months! This also will mean Ellie will be months older when she is in my arms!

I have been praying...every time I feel worried, every time I feel that deep longing for her, every time I feel the vastness of the distance that seperates me from my child.... I hear the Lord's word speak...

            "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all  your heart."  Jeremiah 29:11-13

Pray that my heart will have peace resting in this word and this truth!  Pray for my sweet Ellie, that she will feel my love for her through the whispers of her Guardian Angel.

One step closer --- LID!!

So happy to report that we have a log in date (or LID) of March 22, 2012!!!!  Talk about wonderful gifts!!!  I am so happy. This happens to have been the day we had our wonderful date to see the Shen Yun show at the Kennedy Center. I did feel closer to her that night, but didn't realize we were actually one step closer in the adoption process!!!  For those of you that aren't sure what LID means... this means that our dossier (our "all about us" collection of documents and pictures) has been verified and logged into the Chinese Chlidren Welfare system.  Now we once again wait for the next step.... our LOA (letter of acceptance).  This next step could take any where from 60-100+ days!!!  Please pray that our next step, our LOA comes quickly, but more importantly with the blessing and timing of our Lord.

Each of our children have a special song that we sing to them when we tuck them in at night.  Clare's is a verse I prayed when I was pregnant with her.  It is a special song to our blessed mother, Mary.  Jon's song is "Your song" by Elton John.  Anna's song is "All I ask of you" from the Phatom of the Opera.  By the way, she pick that one out!  And Thomas' song is the blessing song we learned at a youth retreat, TEC.  We sang it over each other at our wedding, and we sing it to Thomas every night.  For a while I was searching for Ellie's song, and I found it about two months ago.  The words speak so profoundly to me.  It represents this wonderful journey we are on to each other, and of the depth of the love we have for her today and always. Today is a great day to share with you "Ellie's song".  It is "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perry.

Here is the video

Here are the words ---

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Gifts

We have been under a bit of stress lately, Steven trying to finish his first year in CRNA school, finding a house to rent in Nevada, getting ready to move across country, preparing documents for grant applications and for our new homestudy agency in Nevada....ugh! yet God's has graced us abundantly.  In the middle of my worry of "how will all of this work out".... our amazing God has proven to me over and over again that He is working it out!  I wanted to share with you some of the amazing gifts we have received recently. Gifts that He used to teach me that He is here walking with us, taking care of each of us (all seven)!

First of all we had an amazing fundraiser last weekend.  Our friends, Michele and Steve, hosted a paintinng party for the children at their art studio, ArtventureUs! here in Maryland.  Michele is an amazing artist.  She designed an adorable picture of a Great panda surrounded by a red thread (I love that part) to be used at this event.  She lead the children in painting their own versions of this panda.  We had an amazing turnout, and the kids did a wonderful job!!!  Check out the pictures---

Clare creating her masterpiece

Anna painting the ears of her panda

Everyone with their finished panda paintings! Thank you for helping us to bring Ellie home.

Outside of the White House.  And yes, my children picked out their own clothing!

The next gift happened last weekend.  This is our first and only year here in Maryland and we have enjoyed so many of the amazing things there are to do here and in the surrounding areas.  We have been excited about seeing the Cherry Blossoms bloom, but were concerned they would not do well this year because of the crazy weather.  Well it just so happened that God opened up these amazing trees with their glorious blooms this past week....earlier than they had predicted!  The best part about this was that Steven had just started his Spring Break from school. So..... we were able to spend some much needed family time together enjoying the beauty of the Cherry Blossoms.  Last Sunday we visited them in DC.  This year is the 100th year celebration of the Cherry Bloosom trees in Washington DC!!  Then last Tuesday we had a wonderful "date" together peacefully wondering around the quiet and beauty of the National Arboretum.  The trees there were breathtakeing.  I have official decided I LOVE cherry blossom trees. Of course they make me think of my sweet Ellie.  Their beauty is breathtaking, revealing the amazing grace of God (just like our Ellie)

In the middle of the Cherry Blossoms in DC.  We even had a picnic under the trees.

Jon and Anna.  And they did find these blooms on the ground....no picking them from the trees!

Picture of us courtesy of Anna

Clare and her daddy

Some of the amazing colors at the National Arboretum

This one is from the field in our back yard!  I get to awe at the beautfy of this Cherry Blossum in the morning with the sunrise.

The next gift was a wonderful surprise!!  Back in December Steven and I saw an advertisement for the Shun Yun Chinese Cultural show coming to the Kennedy Center in DC.   We both really wanted to go, but after looking at the prices of tickets, we decided that it was not a possibility for us right now.  Then after visiting an amazing Christmas light display in a local park, we entered a trivia contest.  One of the prizes for this contest was two tickets to this show.  Guess who won the tickets?  That's right, we got a call in January that we won two tickets to this show.  I was still a little nervous, because with Steven's school schedule, it is hard for him to take an evening off.  But not only did we receive these great tickets, but when they arrived in the mail, they were for the Thursday evening of his Spring Break!!!  Wow! We had an amazing time together.  And watching these outstanding performers on stage made me feel closer to our daughter.  I truly am falling in love in more with the beauty of the Chinese culture.   

So....lesson learned... why worry about today?  or the things that are out of our hands?  God is working everything out for us.  We just have to let go and let Him work!

An update

I wanted to share the gift we received the other night from our amazing friends at CCAI... an update!

We found out that Ellie enjoys to scribble, paint, and look at books!!!!  Is she going to fit in or what?  For those of you that know us well, know we have an art cabinet stocked with supplies.  The kids and I are always doing some sort of project.  I cannot wait to hang her art and creations on the wall next to the other children's work.

For now we will awe over the beauty we see in our newest picture of our sweet Ellie...