Today is Christmas Eve morning here in Maryland. So right now our little Ellie is getting ready to go to sleep on Christmas Eve night. Right now I am praying that she will have sweet dreams tonight... dreams of joys to come... of her family waiting for her.... of the wonderful memories we will make together.... of the beautiful and amazing woman God will create in her. I am praying that all of her Christmas wishes will come true this year.
With today being Christmas Eve, our children are so excited about the wonders and joys of this day and the next. There are presents all around the tree (even for Ellie). The recipes are planned out for our day of baking goodies. The girls will be angels in our church's nativity tonight. They are anxiously waiting for Santa Clause to arrive tonight with even more gifts! And the best surprise of all will be arriving tomorrow... Granny and Paw-Paw are coming to visit from Louisiana!! This surprise has been hard to keep, but it will be so much fun! You can feel the joy in our house today....
So why is my heart not brimming over with the joy my children feel? There is something missing this year... one of my children will not be around our tree. This may seem strange to some..... I have never held this baby, seen her (except in pictures), played with her, or dried her tears....how could I love her so much and miss her this badly? This answer, is because God planted her in my heart. She is there as deeply as every other one of my children. Yes, I have never held her in my arms, but have always held her in my heart. She is my baby... and my only Christmas wish this year is that she will feel loved...loved as much as our beautiful Savior loves her, and loved as much as we love her.
Merry Christmas Ellie!
Please pray...
- That we will receive an update on Ellie soon. A request was sent Tuesday, but we have not heard anything yet. I just want to know my baby is okay.
- That our homestudy will go through the review process quickly. We cannot apply for immigration (our next step) until it is complete.
- For all the orphans without families this Christmas season that they will feel love and joy from those around them. And for all of the adoptive parents waiting for their children.
Elizabeth "Ellie" Xiao Fang
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Sharing a tear
I ran across this video today and had to share it. It comforted me so much and captured my thoughts and prayers. It is from on of my favorite groups, Third Day. They recorded this song entitled "Merry Christmas" from their album Christmas Offerings. The guitarist from the band adopted his daughter from Ch*na and the song is about his wait to bring her home. I believe the pictures are from his family.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I have..
Monday, December 12, 2011
She is already part of our family...
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| I know, I know....my window is dirty... what else is new? And yes, each of the children chose their own "sticker person"!!! This was so much fun! |
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Trust!!
Today I learned a lesson in trust. It was not an easy lesson, but so significant. There is not much I can do for Ellie right now, except pray and wait. I think about her all of the time! So every little step I can take towards her gladdens my heart.
Before I share my lesson in trust let me fill you in on our "paperchase" or progress towards finalizing the adoption. Right now we are waiting for our homestudy to be written and two of the states we have lived in to provide clearances. Then we can apply for immigration approval (called our I-800). After we apply, the approval can take up to 90 days! So we are looking at potentially another 4months before we can submit our dossier (which is all of our paperwork) to Ch*na. Once Ch*na receives our paperwork it could still be another 4-6 months until we can travel to meet our daughter. So we could maybe not have our little Ellie home until next September or October!! That seems so far away.
The "dossier" that we submit to Ch*na is all of our official paperwork (birth and marriage certificates, doctors exams, etc). EACH document needs to go through five steps of authentication and certification or "sealing" prior to submitted to Ch*na. We have compiled every document we could while we wait on our homestudy and immigration. So I have been working on sealing those documents we have completed. Every step with each piece of paper makes me feel like I can DO something for Ellie. Needless to say here is where the TRUST issue comes into play.
Last week we had our documents notarized by the Air Force JAG at Steve's school. Then I promptly brought them over to the county court for the next step in certification. To my dismay the clerk of court could not certify the JAG's notary seal! She told me that we had to redo all of the paperwork! I felt devistated... crazy I know! But I felt like we just took a few steps backwards instead of forward towards Ch*na. Then God once again taught me how strong our red thread to Ellie is and how He is always taking care of us. After complaining on a yahoo group forum about my military notary situation, I received an email from a wonderful friend and fellow adoptive mom. She said that the US State Department would authenticate any documents notarized by the JAG! That would mean not only would we not have to redo our paperwork, but we would skip two of the five steps!! Praise God!!! What an answer... God's way is always better than any possibility I could think of to fix something.
So after finding out this wonderful news I decided to take a trip to the US State Department... which brings us to the second part of our trust story! Before I share our story you have to know that the State Dept Authentication office is ONLY opened from 7:30-11:00 M-F!! And that I had left phone messages and email messages with the State Dept to ensure I could do this with just the JAG's signature. Of course I had not received any response. So.....Thomas and I brought the other kids to school yesterday morning leaving at 9:00 thinking we would have at least two hours to make it DC (which is only about 30 miles from our house). I thought it would be more fun and practical (sometimes it's very hard to find parking in DC) to take the metro. Yet when we arrived at the metro station there was NO parking available anywhere!!! After driving around for 20 min, I decided to try another metro station a little further away. Then of course after driving around their parking lot for 20 min they did not have any space available either!! Lord, are you trying to stop me from taking my step today??? I was so frustrated! At this point it was 10:00 and I prayed. I decided to attempt to drive into DC and find the US State Dept. I thought even if I don't make it I could speak to somebody to get an answer to my notary question.
So we were off to DC. Surprisingly the traffic was not too bad and I started to think a little more clearly and less with frustration. I prayed again. I thought I know there is a reason God did not let us get on the metro... was it for timing? was it for safety? I don't know, I just know I have to trust. BUT trust is easy when things are going the "right" way. I finally found the US State Dept at 10:40!! Great timing... But now I had to find a place to park. Well to start, I passed the darn building right up! And of course I took a wrong turn and ended up crossing a bridge and almost going into Arlington! Why Lord, did you give me such a wonderful sense of direction?... and the GPS was driving me crazy! So after going to two WRONG parking garages, I finally found the right one for us to park in and we still had 8 mins!!! Then I saw it.... a sign that said "This garage is full"!!!!! Really, Lord? How can I be this close and still not be able to take my step? In stead of trusting and just letting go... I get so upset! Then I couldn't even back up because there was another car behind me... I just wanted to help my baby! I just want to hold her! These are the thoughts that were running through my mind. I would walk a thousand miles to Ch*na if I could... just to bring her home!! And now I couldn't even get a stinking stamp on a piece of paper!! Through my tears I looked up and saw this adorable little old lady slowly walking out of the parking lot office to the sign... she removed it and signaled for me to pull forward.... she said "There is one spot open"!!! Wow!! Thank you Lord!! I was so happy!! I was trusting again... until I realized I couldn't find the open spot and park and walk in less than 5 min.... But I had a renewed sense of faith... Lord, I know You are here, I know you are helping me.... then I saw that there were at least five spaces available!! Then may faith was shaken once again because every spot was soooooo tiny! I could NOT get my big ole van into those itty bitty spots... believe me I tried and tried and tried! Thomas was yelling from the back seat "Just park, Mom!" I'm trying.... really I am... at this the time was 11:00.... But this time my faith was stronger (a little) I thought... I will be able to find my answer today! Then we finally found a spot in between two tiny cars... I made it! And without any damage to any vehicles! So then we started walking... the next challenge... finding the right office! At this point I was running... don't worry Thomas was in the stroller! And at last I found it, 11:10!!! Surely they will let me in... I was only 10 minutes late!! I saw an office full of people. They could let just one more in, right? *trust, trust, trust* Then the lady answered the buzzer from the locked door. I explained our situation, but to my devastation she would NOT let us in!!! Ugh! My heart sank and my "trust" disappeared! So of course when she said "no" I cried! And little did I realize the little intercom I was speaking through to the lady on the other side of the door, was broadcasting to the entire waiting room. So as I explained my situation through tears, I saw the majority of people with their own documents in hand, turn to stare at me! I didn't want to leave... so I stood there and prayed. It was raining outside and my tears would not stop. Lord are you testing me? Did you want to see if I would come all this way through all of the obstacles despite a "NO"? Well the answer is "Yes"! Yes, I could go as far as I needed to for my baby! I would go through any obstacle placed before me to care and love my children. Is this your lesson today Lord? That my love IS strong enough? That if I just trust, You will carry my love through to her and in Your perfect and Holy time we will be together.
As I stood their with my tears coming down as quickly as the rain around us a man approached me. At first I was a little nervous about him. Honestly he looked out of place at this office building. We were surrounded by people rushing by dressed in sharp looking clothing and he stood there in his nit cap smoking and smelling of alcohol. He handed me his card explaining that he was a courier. Really? a courier? He said for me to wait here and he snuck into the door as another man was leaving. I wasn't leaving anyway, so I thought I would wait to see what he was going to do. He came out a few minutes later explaining that one of the ladies was going to come speak with me after she was finished with a few customers. Wow!!! Lord, forgive me for judging this man who has helped me... I think? So we waited and prayed. As I waited many of the people that were in the waiting room gave me a smile of encouragement as they were leaving. Another woman came out and explained she was also adopting, their family from Haiti. I started to turn my prayers from my self and our situation to everyone else I was encountering. To the mom with her adoption journey, to the courier who so graciously helped me, to every other person leaving that office, and to all of the people working in there today. A wave of peace washed over me. And even if they lady came out and still had more bad news... it was ok! And I would trust. So about 30minutes after we arrived and most of the waiting room was empty... a very nice lady came out to talk to me. She looked over our paperwork and said she would take care of it today!!!! Praise God!! As we were walking in another man came sprinting down the pathway. He explained his situation to the lady and she let him in too! As the three of us (Thomas, the other late gentleman, and myself) sat there while the office employees thumbed through our documents.... I prayed for us and for him. They called him up to the window first. He thanked them for being so generous and asked God to bless them. He explained that he left South Carolina at 2:00 in the morning and still didn't make it at 11:00. He and his wife were preparing to go to Romania for mission work! God is so good! He does take care of each of us... we just have to trust!!!
Thomas and I walked out of the US State Department with our little treasure! I praised our God and cried a tear of joy at the thought of the GIANT step God just carried me through to get closer to my Ellie!!!!
Now to the Ch*nese embassy!!! Please pray..... I sure will!
Before I share my lesson in trust let me fill you in on our "paperchase" or progress towards finalizing the adoption. Right now we are waiting for our homestudy to be written and two of the states we have lived in to provide clearances. Then we can apply for immigration approval (called our I-800). After we apply, the approval can take up to 90 days! So we are looking at potentially another 4months before we can submit our dossier (which is all of our paperwork) to Ch*na. Once Ch*na receives our paperwork it could still be another 4-6 months until we can travel to meet our daughter. So we could maybe not have our little Ellie home until next September or October!! That seems so far away.
The "dossier" that we submit to Ch*na is all of our official paperwork (birth and marriage certificates, doctors exams, etc). EACH document needs to go through five steps of authentication and certification or "sealing" prior to submitted to Ch*na. We have compiled every document we could while we wait on our homestudy and immigration. So I have been working on sealing those documents we have completed. Every step with each piece of paper makes me feel like I can DO something for Ellie. Needless to say here is where the TRUST issue comes into play.
Last week we had our documents notarized by the Air Force JAG at Steve's school. Then I promptly brought them over to the county court for the next step in certification. To my dismay the clerk of court could not certify the JAG's notary seal! She told me that we had to redo all of the paperwork! I felt devistated... crazy I know! But I felt like we just took a few steps backwards instead of forward towards Ch*na. Then God once again taught me how strong our red thread to Ellie is and how He is always taking care of us. After complaining on a yahoo group forum about my military notary situation, I received an email from a wonderful friend and fellow adoptive mom. She said that the US State Department would authenticate any documents notarized by the JAG! That would mean not only would we not have to redo our paperwork, but we would skip two of the five steps!! Praise God!!! What an answer... God's way is always better than any possibility I could think of to fix something.
So after finding out this wonderful news I decided to take a trip to the US State Department... which brings us to the second part of our trust story! Before I share our story you have to know that the State Dept Authentication office is ONLY opened from 7:30-11:00 M-F!! And that I had left phone messages and email messages with the State Dept to ensure I could do this with just the JAG's signature. Of course I had not received any response. So.....Thomas and I brought the other kids to school yesterday morning leaving at 9:00 thinking we would have at least two hours to make it DC (which is only about 30 miles from our house). I thought it would be more fun and practical (sometimes it's very hard to find parking in DC) to take the metro. Yet when we arrived at the metro station there was NO parking available anywhere!!! After driving around for 20 min, I decided to try another metro station a little further away. Then of course after driving around their parking lot for 20 min they did not have any space available either!! Lord, are you trying to stop me from taking my step today??? I was so frustrated! At this point it was 10:00 and I prayed. I decided to attempt to drive into DC and find the US State Dept. I thought even if I don't make it I could speak to somebody to get an answer to my notary question.
So we were off to DC. Surprisingly the traffic was not too bad and I started to think a little more clearly and less with frustration. I prayed again. I thought I know there is a reason God did not let us get on the metro... was it for timing? was it for safety? I don't know, I just know I have to trust. BUT trust is easy when things are going the "right" way. I finally found the US State Dept at 10:40!! Great timing... But now I had to find a place to park. Well to start, I passed the darn building right up! And of course I took a wrong turn and ended up crossing a bridge and almost going into Arlington! Why Lord, did you give me such a wonderful sense of direction?... and the GPS was driving me crazy! So after going to two WRONG parking garages, I finally found the right one for us to park in and we still had 8 mins!!! Then I saw it.... a sign that said "This garage is full"!!!!! Really, Lord? How can I be this close and still not be able to take my step? In stead of trusting and just letting go... I get so upset! Then I couldn't even back up because there was another car behind me... I just wanted to help my baby! I just want to hold her! These are the thoughts that were running through my mind. I would walk a thousand miles to Ch*na if I could... just to bring her home!! And now I couldn't even get a stinking stamp on a piece of paper!! Through my tears I looked up and saw this adorable little old lady slowly walking out of the parking lot office to the sign... she removed it and signaled for me to pull forward.... she said "There is one spot open"!!! Wow!! Thank you Lord!! I was so happy!! I was trusting again... until I realized I couldn't find the open spot and park and walk in less than 5 min.... But I had a renewed sense of faith... Lord, I know You are here, I know you are helping me.... then I saw that there were at least five spaces available!! Then may faith was shaken once again because every spot was soooooo tiny! I could NOT get my big ole van into those itty bitty spots... believe me I tried and tried and tried! Thomas was yelling from the back seat "Just park, Mom!" I'm trying.... really I am... at this the time was 11:00.... But this time my faith was stronger (a little) I thought... I will be able to find my answer today! Then we finally found a spot in between two tiny cars... I made it! And without any damage to any vehicles! So then we started walking... the next challenge... finding the right office! At this point I was running... don't worry Thomas was in the stroller! And at last I found it, 11:10!!! Surely they will let me in... I was only 10 minutes late!! I saw an office full of people. They could let just one more in, right? *trust, trust, trust* Then the lady answered the buzzer from the locked door. I explained our situation, but to my devastation she would NOT let us in!!! Ugh! My heart sank and my "trust" disappeared! So of course when she said "no" I cried! And little did I realize the little intercom I was speaking through to the lady on the other side of the door, was broadcasting to the entire waiting room. So as I explained my situation through tears, I saw the majority of people with their own documents in hand, turn to stare at me! I didn't want to leave... so I stood there and prayed. It was raining outside and my tears would not stop. Lord are you testing me? Did you want to see if I would come all this way through all of the obstacles despite a "NO"? Well the answer is "Yes"! Yes, I could go as far as I needed to for my baby! I would go through any obstacle placed before me to care and love my children. Is this your lesson today Lord? That my love IS strong enough? That if I just trust, You will carry my love through to her and in Your perfect and Holy time we will be together.
As I stood their with my tears coming down as quickly as the rain around us a man approached me. At first I was a little nervous about him. Honestly he looked out of place at this office building. We were surrounded by people rushing by dressed in sharp looking clothing and he stood there in his nit cap smoking and smelling of alcohol. He handed me his card explaining that he was a courier. Really? a courier? He said for me to wait here and he snuck into the door as another man was leaving. I wasn't leaving anyway, so I thought I would wait to see what he was going to do. He came out a few minutes later explaining that one of the ladies was going to come speak with me after she was finished with a few customers. Wow!!! Lord, forgive me for judging this man who has helped me... I think? So we waited and prayed. As I waited many of the people that were in the waiting room gave me a smile of encouragement as they were leaving. Another woman came out and explained she was also adopting, their family from Haiti. I started to turn my prayers from my self and our situation to everyone else I was encountering. To the mom with her adoption journey, to the courier who so graciously helped me, to every other person leaving that office, and to all of the people working in there today. A wave of peace washed over me. And even if they lady came out and still had more bad news... it was ok! And I would trust. So about 30minutes after we arrived and most of the waiting room was empty... a very nice lady came out to talk to me. She looked over our paperwork and said she would take care of it today!!!! Praise God!! As we were walking in another man came sprinting down the pathway. He explained his situation to the lady and she let him in too! As the three of us (Thomas, the other late gentleman, and myself) sat there while the office employees thumbed through our documents.... I prayed for us and for him. They called him up to the window first. He thanked them for being so generous and asked God to bless them. He explained that he left South Carolina at 2:00 in the morning and still didn't make it at 11:00. He and his wife were preparing to go to Romania for mission work! God is so good! He does take care of each of us... we just have to trust!!!
Thomas and I walked out of the US State Department with our little treasure! I praised our God and cried a tear of joy at the thought of the GIANT step God just carried me through to get closer to my Ellie!!!!
Now to the Ch*nese embassy!!! Please pray..... I sure will!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Red thread
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break." -- A Ch*nese proverb
Today I came across this passage and it stopped me in my boots (so to speak). I have felt this thread tugging on my heart for so long. I felt connected to Ch*na for a while, felt being called to adoption for a while, and now I know why... it was our "red thread" connecting us to Ellie. I feel so connected to her already and yet have never touched her sweet face or heard her precious voice. I know she is our daughter.... God reminds me every day!
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