It's been a while since I've posted here on my blog. I have journaled our "Journey to Jerry" on our Facebook page for the last several months. I know it's a little harder to follow the story in order. Eventually I would like to copy all of the posts in oder here on my blog.
For now I have come to a point where I feel called to write a little more...
So if you are STILL reading this...then you must be curious, interested, or just bored and have nothing better to read at the moment...HA! Either way, thank you for taking your time to read and follow along.
There are many reasons I blog. One of them is to keep a record for my children. Another is that there are times, I feel led to share my feelings. In that I mean, I feel that by sharing my honest feelings, it may help another mom, parent, or friend struggling with something similar, and to maybe not feel so alone. And finally...the selfish reason I blog, and I AIN'T too proud to admit it, is that I just NEED prayer. I believe in the power of prayer....and this is my LONG, drawn out way of asking for it! So if you are that prayer warrior that has so faithfully answered the call to go to the LORD for us, than THANK you!!
So... here's how it's going in my world right now -
Not so amazing. Well....actually, very amazing....but my human-ness doesn't always see it that way.
The other day after I poured out my heart to a friend of mind recently about the struggles we face on a daily basis....she encouraged me with an image. She said she sometimes imagines me as a "warrior, willing to do whatever it takes for God's will to happen, to fight for His kingdom and His people and those that have been abandoned and those he has charged you with personally." Wow (Thank you Mandee) My amazing friend encouraged me. I felt strengthened and renewed and ready to take on the battle....
But ultimately.....this is how I really feel.......
I want to be that mighty warrior....pumped and ready to battle. Because let me tell you, lately I feel like we are in a battle zone. What exactly am I fighting?
I'm fighting anxiety, depression, fears that come from a brave boy still struggling to adjust to his new home.
I'm fighting my own guilt, doubt, and uncertainties that come from being a newly adoptive parent, and helping our all of our children adjust.
I'm fighting the pain and frustrations that arise on so many levels that come with parenting children with disabilities. It's one of the hardest battles.... to help your child daily, carry their own painful cross. Yes, my kids amaze so many by all they have overcome! Yes, they are truly astonishing at the way they have adapted. Yet, the real every day struggle is painful to witness so many times.
I'm fighting the normal battles that come from raising teenagers. Even though I think we have a pretty easy battle in that arena....my strength is becoming weaker.
I'm fighting the battle of balance...finding the right amount of time for our marriage, our alone time, my alone time.
I know there is a spiritual battle too....a battle when the temptations and weakness of our human-ness attack and tempt to bring us down.
Yet in the midst of the battle....this is my reprieve.....the truth.....
And what I am learning is that He is the one who strengthens me to be a WARRIOR.....And He is the one who takes over the fight, when I have nothing left in me to give. Sometimes I just can't see the finish line, when we are in the middle of the battle.
Yet my faith...my Savior tells me we are in this battle together.
He is my rock and my shield, my stronghold. Jesus, and He alone is the one who gives me rest, gives me strength, and prepares me to continue the fight.
Please keep this weakened warrior in your prayers....
and let me know how I can pray for you.
