One piece of paper

I'm going to be honest....I've struggled this week.  In the roller coaster of the adoption process this week has definitely been one those LONG stretches where nothing is happening....and you can't even see the end, or the beginning, or the fun....You just keep waiting for something to happen.

Blah...yes, I'm being whiney!  Give this girl a break, our son's birthday, 10th birthday, recently past.  And I couldn't be there....AGAIN.  I've missed a grand total of 10 birthdays*whine*cry*pout!  I love him with a love that knows no borders...and yet I feel like I cannot show him my love.  Have you ever read the great book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman?  If you haven't I highly recommended it.  I gleamed so much insight not only into loving my husband, but my children as well.  While reading I also learned that my love language is "service".  I give and receive love best in "acts of service".  Well here comes my frustration....right now I can do NOTHING for my son..no act of service....nothing to speed up the process to get him home.  Nothing for him to show him how much I love him, how much I want to know him more.  I can do nothing to get to know him better, nothing to teach him.  I can do nothing to show him how much my heart aches every day we are apart.
                                              NOTHING....

You see we are in the "awaiting Immigration approval" phase of the adoption process.  We sent our completed home study and application to the US Immigration Department.  They review our "file" and then issue us an appointment to obtain yet another set of fingerprints.  Once our fingerprints are approved, the give us an approval notice.  That approval notice is the last piece of paper for our dossier, or packet of paperwork, that is sent to Ch*na.  Then we wait on them for the next step.  But right now....it's the ONE piece of paper that is standing in our way of moving on to the next step. Every day....I anxiously await the mail....hoping to see that little sheet of white "gold" (just the paper with our fingerprint appointment).  So far....NOTHING!

After crying yet again today, I prayed.  And this time, instead of begging and asking...(why Lord?, this is what I want Lord? can't you see, I'm waiting Lord, my son is waiting, and he has waited so long already?  why? when? NOW!!)

THIS time I surrendered....I let go.  Yes, I've done this with so many situations....I've advised others to just "Let Go and Let God"....but sometimes I forget.  I get caught up in my own pain, my own PLAN, sometimes I don't want to let go.  But today, I let go and listened.

And this is what what I felt....

        Faces of very dear friends came to my mind, my heart.  These friends are carrying such heavy burdens right now.  They are waiting on God right now too....

             Yet their wait is for a reason so much greater that one piece of paper....

  They are waiting for Him to protect their job,

                        save their marriage,

                                    cure their cancer,

                                              heal their sick child.

There are children still fatherless, waiting, and asking God for a family.  
 

I listened to what the Lord had reminded me of, and that small piece of paper....didn't seem so far away, or so vastly out of my reach.  God's plan is perfect and beautiful.  The cross we must bare now is only a glimmer of the joy we will see one day.

 I will wait upon the LORD....
       and try to remember to let go and let God....over and over and over again...even if the mailbox is still empty tomorrow.

After all, he will be our son on this Earth...but he is HIS son forever!