Labor pains

This Thursday my sweet Anna Therese will be 10 years old.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  She was my third biological child, but would be the first I would labor and deliver "naturally", with no epidural.  Don't leave my blog please..... I have a point here.... hang with me...

There are many reasons I chose to go natural with her labor...and many reasons I am so grateful for the way her BIRTHday unfolded.   With my dear friend, Lindsay there at my side as my nurse and friend, and (of course) my wonderful husband dutiful holding my hand and rubbing my back (only when asked...hehehehe...I think he is still scarred)....Anna came into this world on May 21, 2005.  As a labor and delivery nurse I have recalled the feeling of labor several times, trying to explain to a patient how it may feel.  I have explained different ways of how to prepare for that moment....the moment when your body hurts more than it has ever hurt before.  When the pain comes on so fierce that you feel like you will be ripped open wide, but then it subsides ever so briefly.  The brief calm is only shortened with the thought that the next wave of pain is only moments away.  Labor pains hurt.  There is no sugar coating it. (Don't worry...I explain it more thoroughly...and nicely... for my patients!) Yet there is NO way to explain the moment of relief, joy, elation you feel the very moment your child leaves your body and enters this world, taking their very first breath. It is a joy like no other!! Having labored in pain for hours, praying with each breath, crying for mercy with every contraction....and holding onto to my husband and friend as they prayed and cried with me...I felt the depth of sacrifice it meant to be a mother.  Pure joy!!

Every labor pain reminds a mother of the sacrifice they make for their children throughout their lives.  In my 13 years of being a Labor and Delivery nurse, I am still in awe of the beauty and miracle of childbirth.  I am privileged every day I get to go to work and help a mom labor and deliver her child.  And my heart has been broken for those mothers I have cared for through the years that labor and deliver a child who will never take their first breath.  Those are the birthdays that are the hardest to witness.  Those mothers are heroes that never get enough honor.

Back to the point of my story....

Whenever it nears one of my children's birthdays I think back to their pregnancy and the days leading up to their delivery.  Anna's pregnancy was wonderful.  I worked up until the day she was born. In fact I was supposed to be on duty that day, and not a patient...oops!  As I said her delivery was beautiful.  I was able to give her her very first bath. She feel asleep warmly in her Daddy's arms just hours after she was born.  It was a beautiful blessed day for our family!

Anna just days old

Our precious son waiting in China will also celebrate a birthday very soon.  He and Anna are only weeks apart!  As he turns 10 he will celebrate his last birthday in China with the only family he has ever known.  I am so grateful he will be surrounded by his loved ones on his big "double-digit" day!!

Our son with his amazing foster family!!

 But my heart is saddened that we will miss yet another birthday with him.  From this year on....as I remember Anna's pregnancy and birth.....I will remember his birth mother and the sacrifice of her love.  Did she have support with her on the day he was born?  How did she and his father make the decision to let him go?  Unfortunately we will never have those answers to give our son.  But we will tell him that we are forever grateful to them that they choose to give him LIFE! They will always be in my heart and prayers.

Even though I didn't have to bare the pains of labor for Ellie or our son, I am enduring the pain of waiting.  Just as there are waves of pain, and waves of relief....there are so many ups and downs of emotions during the adoption process.  Yet I have so many dear friends at my side holding our hands., and (of course) my dear husband dutifully supporting me (rubbing my back...ha.....seriously, he's amazing!)

I know one day in the near future we will at last be together.   Just think next year I'll have twins (well a couple of weeks apart).....ahhhhh.....Anna thinks that is so exciting!!

“I would have given anything
to be the one to know
the pain of bringing you into this world
but it couldn’t be.
Though I did not bring you here
still I labored in my tears
through the long nights I prayed
you would come to me.
You are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart
with all my strength I prayed
till they laid you in my arms Child,
you are the labor of my heart
Blessed be the maker
of bone of other bone.
He made flesh of my desire
and today I take you home…
You are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart
with all my strength I prayed
till they laid you in my arms Child,
you are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart.”
Author Unknown